Is Inviting Yourself Wrong?

My question of the day is, Is inviting yourself wrong, and or rude?

Why am I asking this question? Because I have had a recurring problem with my in-laws and this issue.

They are constantly showing up unannounced, their daughter calls here and asks if she can come over and spend the night. Also they have shown up and the daughter will ask to stay in front of my daughter.

I think it is totally rude. I have told them and her before that I don't like it, and to wait until they/she is invited.

Why today? I was at work, my mother in law was watching my kids at my house, when my sister in law showed up un announced. Her daughter proceeds to ask if she can stay, then my daughter ends up calling me at work for permission.

I wanted to reach through the phone and wring her (my sister in law's) neck! Not to mention that I wasn't even home!

My answer was obviously no, and I gave my daughter the information to relay, or I could tell them if she was uncomfortable. Nope, she wanted to be a big girl and tell them herself! Yeah!!!

I told her that I was uncomfortable with her being there when I was not. That was how I left it.

What do you guys think?

Daughter and Grandmother

Another situation is my daughter spending time with my husband's mother.

Every time they are alone together, I end up hearing a story from my husband about how bad she was for his mother.

My daughter is not a bad child, she never has been. I know sometimes, mothers think the best of their children, and don't see the negatives, but I do see the negatives.

My daughter tends to lack common sense, she is book smart, but totally lacks common sense. She drives me up a wall having to repeat things to her all day long.

But, I just don't see my girl being disrespectful to an adult...Which is what I am being told. She has never done this to anyone else to my knowledge.

If my mother in law asks her to clean up her mess on the counter, she will tell her no.

My ass would have been grass if I had even dreamed of saying that to ANY adult!

My husband believes his mother is embellishing the stories a tad as well. So I don't know what to believe here.

Is she rebelling, because she doesn't feel my mother in law is her "real grandma"?

We have always told my daughter that she is extra special because she has so many families now. Two Christmases, birthdays, etc...

Is this another situation of her being a typical 8 year old, or is she really being a brat towards my mother in law?