Friday, February 13, 2009

Daughter and Grandmother

Another situation is my daughter spending time with my husband's mother.

Every time they are alone together, I end up hearing a story from my husband about how bad she was for his mother.

My daughter is not a bad child, she never has been. I know sometimes, mothers think the best of their children, and don't see the negatives, but I do see the negatives.

My daughter tends to lack common sense, she is book smart, but totally lacks common sense. She drives me up a wall having to repeat things to her all day long.

But, I just don't see my girl being disrespectful to an adult...Which is what I am being told. She has never done this to anyone else to my knowledge.

If my mother in law asks her to clean up her mess on the counter, she will tell her no.

My ass would have been grass if I had even dreamed of saying that to ANY adult!

My husband believes his mother is embellishing the stories a tad as well. So I don't know what to believe here.

Is she rebelling, because she doesn't feel my mother in law is her "real grandma"?

We have always told my daughter that she is extra special because she has so many families now. Two Christmases, birthdays, etc...

Is this another situation of her being a typical 8 year old, or is she really being a brat towards my mother in law?


Shaye said...

Must be a hard situation for everyone. Sounds like your daughter doesn't respect your mother in law. I guess the first question I would ask myself'd be..."is that because of myself/husband?"

If your husband is telling you that his mother was not the best parent, then he obviously believes that and his convictions would come through in his actions/discussions with your daughter - regardless if he says that directly too her (daughter) or not.

If it helps, you are not alone. My eldest son is from my first relationship and he does not get along with my husbands parents at all. He is rude to them and very ungratefull & that is not the same little boy I raised :)

K.M. George said...

Thanks Shaye for your comments...I hear you on the part of raising them different...I definitely didn't raise an ungrateful child, some of her first words were please and thank you! Goes to show everyone there is only so much you can do when parenting your children!

There are just going to be some people they don't like, and there is nothing we can do about it....except maybe enforce that they should keep their mouths shut!!!

Shirley Anderson said...

These are the only possibilities I can think of:

If neither you or your husband has witnessed any of this behaviour when your daughter is around your mother-in-law, is it possible that it's not as bad as it sounds? Your husband suggested that may be the case.

Kids have a keen insight to adults. They know when something's funny, or someone doesn't like them.

Does your mother-in-law treat all of the grandkids the same way? Is it possible that your daughter feels separate from the others? Or does your daughter resent someone trying to take the place of her 'real' grandma?

Wow, none of these are ideal possibilities, are they? The good news is that your little girl is only 8, so as she gets older and gains emotional maturity and understanding, this will likely pass.

I know because I had similar issues with my step family when I was a kid. I was a shy, quiet kid so I wasn't rude and all that stuff. I just went off and cried and cried. No one did anything wrong and they all accepted my sister and I, but they weren't my real family. I wanted my real family (dad and paternal grandparents)and missed them so much, it hurt.

Hope you can take some comfort in the fact that I did adjust and came to be extremely fond of them. They are an amazing family, but I fought integrating with them for ?? I can't remember how long.